My 27 Minute Labor and Delivery

In order to adequately portray the faithfulness of God throughout this experience I have to back track to the beginning of my pregnancy. If you've ever birthed a baby you know that pushing that thing out isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. Although I have been extremely blessed with all of my home birthing experiences this time I had some very serious anxiety about what I wanted to call 'doomsday'.

I had to discern if this anxiety was coming from the Holy Spirit prompting me to give birth in a hospital in case we needed an intervention or was the devil attacking my thoughts and bringing fear into my situation. After I discerned that it was the latter I was able to give in to the process that the Lord was leading me through.

I did all that I could do to be sure that I was as healthy as possible going into labor. From attending exercise/stretching classes multiple times per week, taking my supplements, walking, chiropractor visits to additional stretching almost every night in my third trimester, I felt like there was nothing else I could do to ensure a positive labor and delivery but lean on the Lord to come through and do what only He could do. After all, you can't have a positive birth experience if you are anxious the whole time. A woman's body just doesn't work like that.

A few weeks before she was due my anxiety got worse, I was dreading the pain and it seemed I would break down and cry about every night, even when we were out on date nights. My husband would pray with me and remind me that I wasn't alone in this experience. The presence of the Lord would be with me. The joy of the Lord would be my strength. And I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I began to meditate on bible verses every night while AnDrew was putting the other 3 children to bed. I began to worship when I walked and proclaimed His promises over me and my upcoming experience. There are so many times when I would be walking or laying in bed mediating and I would feel that peace that surpasses all understanding begin to guard my heart and my mind. There was nothing that I could do but bask in it, throw my arms up and let the tears flow! I'm sure that people that I walked past thought I was a crazy pregnant lady!

The Lord brought to my attention that I was trusting Him with the transitions that my family was about to go through; moving our entire family to Charlotte, NC in order to answer His very specific call. But I was having a hard time trusting Him in the transition of labor and delivery. I felt like the devil knew that peace surrounded the other areas of my life so he attacked this area extra hard. But my God always wins!! His faithfulness endures forever!!

Our last day as a family of five.

The morning of the day that ArrowGrace arrived I had a doctors appointment where I was informed that I was between 4-5 cm and 80-90% effaced. I had been having contractions for weeks, some even woke me up in the middle of the night, but they never got closer than about 10 minutes apart. It was encouraging to know that they were working and my body was getting ready.

After my appointment I went for a walk at a park in the area where I felt the presence of the Lord so strong I couldn't help but raise my hands to worship Him. Again, I'm sure people thought that I was crazy but I didn't even care. Tears streamed behind my sunglasses, just like they are now as I write this just remembering the intimate time that I shared with my savior and friend.

By this point the Lord was patiently helping me fight the battle in my mind and I had a peace about labor and delivery. I knew that I was going to have to fight to keep my peace, but that I could do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter the circumstance; whether it's moving my family across the country or birthing a baby. He is such a good father.

(The song 'Come to Me' by Bethel was and is a song that I lean on! You can listen here!)

After the park I did what any mother would do when she knew she was close to her due date; I bought a smoothie and went shopping for a few more precious little outfits for my baby girl! :) And then picked up my three kiddos from preschool for some afternoon snuggles!

Sometime that evening I started having contractions and thought I should time them....it seemed like hours and they still never got closer than 10 minutes, nor were they very hard. AnDrew went to church for rehearsal and would periodically check on me. Even though I assured him I was fine and he should stay at church because I didn't want to be a drama queen, he decided to come home. That was probably around 6:45pm or so. We live-streamed the church service from our couch, all the while timing contractions. But again, I'd been having these for weeks and they weren't getting harder or closer together.

After the church service AnDrew put the kids to bed and I went to lay down in our bed to meditate for a while. I texted the midwife just to let her know that I had been having contractions and was going to lay down for a while and maybe get in the bath in a while to see if they would slow down or speed up. Just as AnDrew came downstairs I had a real contraction! Like the kind that you have to moan through in order to stay relaxed. He immediately grabbed my phone and texted the midwife and told her to come! That was at 9:10pm.

From there everything was kind of a blur. As AnDrew was getting me in the bathtub all 3 of the kids came downstairs and had to go potty at the same time!! Hahaha! I remember him saying 'sit down, right there, right now!' They were pretty excited that they weren't sent back to their room. Drew called his parents and they came and got them!

Where the magic happened. :)

While all of that was going on I had a couple of real contractions; 7 minutes, then 6. They were so hard that AnDrew couldn't leave my side. We prayed through the contractions. Then 5 minutes. Then 4; it was about this time I vividly remember the doubt and the fear of the pain that started to overtake my thoughts. In an instant I glanced at the crown of thorns that I strategically put next to my bathtub for such a time as this. I switched my thinking away from my pain and onto the pain that my Savior felt taking the sins of the world onto himself in order to save humanity and my pain diminished.  I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true. It was supernatural. I reminded myself out loud that the joy of the Lord was my strength.

Then 3 minutes; AnDrew saw my hips spreading and asked if I wanted to take my bottoms down. (We were expecting a photographer and I wanted to break her into this whole birthing experience rather than have her come into the room to my nakedness. I was thinking it was going to be a few hours. Boy was I wrong.) Then 3 minutes; I ripped my bottoms down and the next instant her head was out and AnDrew said 'keep pushing, babe' and just like that we welcomed out sweet 7 lb. 14 oz. ArrowGrace Rhythm into the world!

He lifted her up out of the bathtub and put her on my chest! It was over! It was 9:37pm and it was over! Even though I doubted my God, He was still faithful. She was my gift! I was given a word from my sister-in-love about how the Lord was going to reward me publicly for what I was doing in secret and that this labor and delivery was going to be a gift! Gift is an understatement!

It was my husband and me and the presence of the Lord!

She came out of the water and cried. It was magical!

He called the midwife. She was still an hour and a half away!

He called his parents. They had JUST gotten back to their house with the kids when we told them to come back!

Our precious photographer got there minutes after she was born. Some of the following pictures were literally taken when she was 3 minutes old. There are hundreds, but these are some of my favorites.

All I can say is woah! How great your love is for me! How great is your love!!!!

The first few hours after giving birth have to be the most incredible high a person could ever experience! Talk about joy comes in the morning! You know the saying a picture's worth a thousand words?! Here are a few thousand words for you!!

Shepherd of my soul. May we never lose our wonder.

I love the look on AnDrew's face in this picture! Yeah babe, that just happened! ;)

Meeting their baby sister!

ArrowGrace Rhythm

Making the Most of the Middle

I was talking to a friend of mine at Starbucks two weeks ago and found it interesting how, although we are going through two very different situations, we are both in the middle of waiting to see certain promises of God come to fruition in our lives. 

Maybe you've been there.

It feels like wandering around aimlessly in the desert...Or chomping at the bit, ready to run the race, but not knowing where the finish line is...Or knowing you're called to more but at the same time knowing that you're right where you're supposed to be. 

We know that God is faithful, but not knowing how or when God is going to work things out is tough. Actually, it's terrible!

I recently found myself thinking in circles and trying to figure out God's plan for my life when the Lord reminded me of this picture.

I feel like it beautifully portrays the heart of God for his children. What it doesn't do, however, is depict the emotions of the snapshot after this one. The one where God asks you for your teddy bear and you give it to Him. You sell your house. You move your family. You quit your job. You end that relationship. You give Him your addiction. And now you're left standing there empty handed. You've given God what he asked for and are now left waiting for Him to give you His best. The only thing is, you don't know when that will be and time seems to move extra slow in this season. 

Friends, welcome to transition. 

I was having a one sided conversation with the Lord the other day as I was reading my Bible. Okay, I was kind of just skimming it as I was venting all of my unanswered questions when this verse from Isaiah 45:9 literally jumped off the page and interrupted my pity party. 

It says, "The clay does not ask the potter, 'What are you doing?' The thing that is made doesn't say to its maker, 'You have no hands.'"

Are you kidding me? It was as if the Lord directly responded to all of my questions and immediately put in perspective who God is and how minuscule my concerns were. Not that He doesn't care about them, but that He cares about them so much that He already has all of the details worked out. He is a master potter.

The very next weekend Pastor Steven Furtick preached a sermon called 'It's in the Middle.' (I know, right? You'd think God was trying to tell me something.) As I sat at Elevation Uptown, in the beautiful historic church building, in my red velvet theater seat and listened to his words it was as if he was directly responding to our Starbucks conversation and to the conversations of my heart.

Pastor said a few things that truly resonated in my spirit. I want to share them with you; 

He said, "When (God) takes over your life, He blesses your life. But the same hands that bless your life are the same hands that must be trusted when your life is broken." 

After all, He's the potter, right? 

He continued to speak to my very situation by going on to say, "So God says to everyone who's in the middle of something right now, in the middle of change, in the middle of process, in the middle of becoming, in the middle of a storm, in the middle of the fire, keep stepping, stay in the middle, stay in faith, stay in courage, stay blessed, stay in my hand, stay in the storm, I'm with you in the fire. God is in the middle." 

The scripture that spoke to my heart louder than my ears could ever hear, and the message that Pastor preached brought me to the following question. Is it possible to shift our perspective from just getting through these transitions to making the most of them because we can fully trust that God has our best interest in mind? He says in Romans 8:28 that He works all things together for good to those who love the Lord. He also says in Philippians 1:6 that He who began a good work in us will carry it on in completion. 

Does this mean that I will never get frustrated? Nope. I'm human, but through my frustrations I can be assured that God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  I can rest easy knowing that He is my ever present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). 

It's in the middle where growth happens, it's where we learn to appreciate the good times, it's where we connect to people, and it's where we learn to trust God at a deeper level. We may as well make the most of the middle because as long as we're alive we will be in the middle of something. 

Here's to trusting God in transition!

Just Start

Ever since I was young I loved to write. There's something about getting my thoughts and ideas down on paper that is therapeutic to me. Writing helps me process. It helps me see beyond myself and get to the source of my thoughts and actions. 

Since I love writing, I started a blog a couple of years ago. My blog was almost like a journal of the things that I was learning through the journey that the Lord had our family on. Sometimes it was practical, sometimes it was emotional, and other times it seemed kind of pointless, but I enjoyed it.

Somewhere along the way though, I quit blogging. It almost got frustrating because I could never get it perfect enough. I didn't have enough time in my life with 4 small kids and a business to sit down, proof-read, and edit it to perfection. It was never good enough and there were too many things in my life that I felt like I already wasn't doing perfectly that I couldn't add another one. 

Despite my love for writing, and the positive feedback that I was getting from people who did read my blog, my fear of it not being perfect caused me to not even try. 

Blogging is not the only area of my life where this has been the case. There have been instances in my marriage, being a mom, my business and even my friendships where I have let perfect be the enemy of good. 

With that said, I'm jumping back in the saddle, and I'm not going to let perfectionism keep me in fear or stop me from what I feel God has called me to do. I'm learning how to go for it even if it's not perfect because at least it's progress. And progress is something that should be celebrated.

I am so excited to share with you our journey and the ways that God is growing me. There is no way that I can adequately describe it. It's as if my spirit is experiencing growing pains. Sure, it's painful, but the results that I see in my life are incredible. Since I can't perfectly articulate these things it's tempting for me to not even try. But if I just start, if I just try to connect people to my journey, even if it's not perfect, someone might be able to relate, she might understand my struggle, and just maybe she'll start her own journey. 

In Matthew 25:14 we hear Jesus tell 'The Parable of the Talents'. This is one of my favorite bible stories because even though He was referring to a talent as a type of currency, I believe that Jesus is also referring to the talents that he places on the inside of us. I believe as we invest our talents into the kingdom of God; whether it's by being a greeter at church, by feeding the homeless, by preaching, or even by blogging that He sees us being faithful with what He entrusted us and in turn will multiply those talents. 

Even though our talents are multiplied, I don't think the feeling of us not being good enough ever goes away. My husband and I had the privilege of sitting in an intimate teaching session with Pastor Steven Furtick where he helped us understand why we always feel like we're not good enough. He communicated that as our ability grows, our capacity grows. This is why it feels like we are not making the type of progress we want to. It is only when we look back and examine what we have accomplished that we see the growth. Think of it as having 4 ounces of water in an 8 oz cup. If we pour more water into the cup we're going to need a new cup. We then have 8 ounces of water in a 16 oz cup. We actually have more, but we still feel half empty. 

Don't wait until your situation is perfect to get started. It will never be perfect. No matter where you are on your journey, there is always room for growth. Change your perspective from discouragement to celebration. Learn to celebrate the process. 

Maybe it's a relationship with Jesus Christ. Maybe it's a lifestyle change or a fitness journey. Maybe it's starting a family. Maybe it's jumping into a business venture. Just start. Whatever it is, trust the process, give into it, celebrate it. Fail forward. Be excited about the ways that God will grow you. Be excited to see all that God can do through you. If you don't start, you'll never know.