I had to discern if this anxiety was coming from the Holy Spirit prompting me to give birth in a hospital in case we needed an intervention or was the devil attacking my thoughts and bringing fear into my situation. After I discerned that it was the latter I was able to give in to the process that the Lord was leading me through.
I did all that I could do to be sure that I was as healthy as possible going into labor. From attending exercise/stretching classes multiple times per week, taking my supplements, walking, chiropractor visits to additional stretching almost every night in my third trimester, I felt like there was nothing else I could do to ensure a positive labor and delivery but lean on the Lord to come through and do what only He could do. After all, you can't have a positive birth experience if you are anxious the whole time. A woman's body just doesn't work like that.
A few weeks before she was due my anxiety got worse, I was dreading the pain and it seemed I would break down and cry about every night, even when we were out on date nights. My husband would pray with me and remind me that I wasn't alone in this experience. The presence of the Lord would be with me. The joy of the Lord would be my strength. And I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I began to meditate on bible verses every night while AnDrew was putting the other 3 children to bed. I began to worship when I walked and proclaimed His promises over me and my upcoming experience. There are so many times when I would be walking or laying in bed mediating and I would feel that peace that surpasses all understanding begin to guard my heart and my mind. There was nothing that I could do but bask in it, throw my arms up and let the tears flow! I'm sure that people that I walked past thought I was a crazy pregnant lady!
The Lord brought to my attention that I was trusting Him with the transitions that my family was about to go through; moving our entire family to Charlotte, NC in order to answer His very specific call. But I was having a hard time trusting Him in the transition of labor and delivery. I felt like the devil knew that peace surrounded the other areas of my life so he attacked this area extra hard. But my God always wins!! His faithfulness endures forever!!
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| Our last day as a family of five. |
The morning of the day that ArrowGrace arrived I had a doctors appointment where I was informed that I was between 4-5 cm and 80-90% effaced. I had been having contractions for weeks, some even woke me up in the middle of the night, but they never got closer than about 10 minutes apart. It was encouraging to know that they were working and my body was getting ready.
After my appointment I went for a walk at a park in the area where I felt the presence of the Lord so strong I couldn't help but raise my hands to worship Him. Again, I'm sure people thought that I was crazy but I didn't even care. Tears streamed behind my sunglasses, just like they are now as I write this just remembering the intimate time that I shared with my savior and friend.
By this point the Lord was patiently helping me fight the battle in my mind and I had a peace about labor and delivery. I knew that I was going to have to fight to keep my peace, but that I could do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter the circumstance; whether it's moving my family across the country or birthing a baby. He is such a good father.
(The song 'Come to Me' by Bethel was and is a song that I lean on! You can listen here!)
After the park I did what any mother would do when she knew she was close to her due date; I bought a smoothie and went shopping for a few more precious little outfits for my baby girl! :) And then picked up my three kiddos from preschool for some afternoon snuggles!
Sometime that evening I started having contractions and thought I should time them....it seemed like hours and they still never got closer than 10 minutes, nor were they very hard. AnDrew went to church for rehearsal and would periodically check on me. Even though I assured him I was fine and he should stay at church because I didn't want to be a drama queen, he decided to come home. That was probably around 6:45pm or so. We live-streamed the church service from our couch, all the while timing contractions. But again, I'd been having these for weeks and they weren't getting harder or closer together.
After the church service AnDrew put the kids to bed and I went to lay down in our bed to meditate for a while. I texted the midwife just to let her know that I had been having contractions and was going to lay down for a while and maybe get in the bath in a while to see if they would slow down or speed up. Just as AnDrew came downstairs I had a real contraction! Like the kind that you have to moan through in order to stay relaxed. He immediately grabbed my phone and texted the midwife and told her to come! That was at 9:10pm.
From there everything was kind of a blur. As AnDrew was getting me in the bathtub all 3 of the kids came downstairs and had to go potty at the same time!! Hahaha! I remember him saying 'sit down, right there, right now!' They were pretty excited that they weren't sent back to their room. Drew called his parents and they came and got them!
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| Where the magic happened. :) |
Then 3 minutes; AnDrew saw my hips spreading and asked if I wanted to take my bottoms down. (We were expecting a photographer and I wanted to break her into this whole birthing experience rather than have her come into the room to my nakedness. I was thinking it was going to be a few hours. Boy was I wrong.) Then 3 minutes; I ripped my bottoms down and the next instant her head was out and AnDrew said 'keep pushing, babe' and just like that we welcomed out sweet 7 lb. 14 oz. ArrowGrace Rhythm into the world!
He lifted her up out of the bathtub and put her on my chest! It was over! It was 9:37pm and it was over! Even though I doubted my God, He was still faithful. She was my gift! I was given a word from my sister-in-love about how the Lord was going to reward me publicly for what I was doing in secret and that this labor and delivery was going to be a gift! Gift is an understatement!
It was my husband and me and the presence of the Lord!
She came out of the water and cried. It was magical!
He called the midwife. She was still an hour and a half away!
He called his parents. They had JUST gotten back to their house with the kids when we told them to come back!
Our precious photographer got there minutes after she was born. Some of the following pictures were literally taken when she was 3 minutes old. There are hundreds, but these are some of my favorites.
All I can say is woah! How great your love is for me! How great is your love!!!!
The first few hours after giving birth have to be the most incredible high a person could ever experience! Talk about joy comes in the morning! You know the saying a picture's worth a thousand words?! Here are a few thousand words for you!!
Shepherd of my soul. May we never lose our wonder.
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| I love the look on AnDrew's face in this picture! Yeah babe, that just happened! ;) |
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| Meeting their baby sister! |
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| ArrowGrace Rhythm |
