What it's like to be an Elevation Church Staff Spouse

Last month the Elevation Church staff ladies and spouses got together for an event we call "Ladies First," and let me tell you, it was incredible! The vibe was perfect, the snacks delicious, the gifts amazing, and the word that Holly brought was brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that I want to share it with you.

Here's a glimpse of how beautiful it was.

The Bible says we can learn from the ant....well, as the lady staff and spouses of Elevation Church, we spent the evening learning from the elephant. Did you know elephants are a matriarchal society? That means a female elephant is the head of the herd full of mothers, daughters, sisters, and aunts. The only boys are the baby boys, but when they get to a certain age, the boys are on their own. I had no idea!

Holly taught us four characteristics of female elephants that we, as women, can emulate to be the community God intended us to be. I would like to challenge all women reading this to do the same.

I am so thankful for the example Holly is to me and the investment she has made in my life.

Help.

Elephants literally circle around anyone in their herd who is in a vulnerable situation. Whether they are injured, birthing a baby, or weak and tired, the herd circles up to protect them. This is instinctive to them and we get to do the same. We get to surround those in our herd who are going through a difficult season. Whether being available to pray with them, bring them meals, or just be a listening ear, it's our job to protect our sisters and help them out of the center of the circle at the right time. And when we're the ones who are going through those difficult times, it's our responsibility to allow our herd to surround us because when we isolate ourselves, we open ourselves up for an attack. Anyone else have a difficult time allowing others to help? (I shared about how I found help in this area in my last blog.)

Carry each other's burdens, in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 

These guys are getting in a formation to protect the vulnerable lady elephant in the middle.

Example.

The matriarch is usually the leader until death, and she sets an example to the other elephants in the herd. She is wise. She makes decisions based on what she feels is best for the herd. She is essential in teaching elephants how to mother their calves. She considers the needs of the group before making decisions to move to new locations. A great example from the Bible is Elizabeth. She went before Mary as an example of grace and obedience, while also affirming what God had inside of her. I love how God created us to do the same to our friends. We get to be both matriarch and herd member at the same time and even within the same relationships.

In a loud voice, she exclaimed: "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" Luke 1:42-45

The matriarch of the herd leads the way.

I had the privilege of reading a letter to my friend Amber.
She has been an example to me since we got to Elevation Church. 

Remember.

You know the saying "an elephant never forgets"? Did you know it's true? There are cases of elephants working with people, not seeing them for years, and then recognizing them when they're reintroduced. Also, elephants are one of only five animals who can recognize themselves in the mirror. And, when elephants line up to travel, they always line up in the same order. Isn't that crazy? You know what is even crazier? Elephants are empathetic towards one another. They are actually known to have funerals for their members who pass away. They stay close to the mourning herd member until she is done mourning. Honestly, this is one of the most difficult of the four characteristics for me. So often I get lost in my own world-I have a big and busy family with an incredibly active church life, and a growing business and I sometimes forget to remember those in my herd. But, I am leaving my excuses behind and am learning from the elephants in this area.

We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3

These elephants are mourning the loss of a baby.

One of my best friends, Anna, is an example of someone who remembers.
I am so thankful for her!

Devoted.

Elephants are fiercely devoted to each other. They have a tight social bond built on trust and vulnerability. They help each other in danger and have even been seen to comfort each other in death.  Their devotion to each other does not mean they are exclusive, though. If a herd can't feed a baby elephant due to her mother dying, another herd, with the means to nurse her, will accept her into theirs. What if we could show the world needs a group of women so fiercely devoted to one another there's no room for jealousy or division; a group of women who accept each other for who they are and who always have room for new members? We get to be that, and isn't it so refreshing to our culture?! You know the verse in Ruth people read at weddings, did you know it's actually said between two women? Talk about devoted!

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me." Ruth 1:16-17

Reunited after being apart.

I encourage you to find your HERD of Elephant Queens. The ones who Help, who are an Example, who Remember and who are Devoted. (Notice the acronym?!?) And I encourage you to be those things for the queens in your herd. Where the devil can divide, he is more likely to be able to conquer-which is why it is essential for us to come together, as women fiercely devoted to God and one another in unity. If we learn these things from the elephants, we will be a force to be reckoned with; our relationships will be a refreshing example to the world around us and will attract people to Jesus. 

If you're not sure who your herd is, take the bible's advice-a person who has friends must show herself friendly. Find a local church, get plugged into a small group or volunteer on a team, connect with other moms from your kids' class at school, put yourself out there, be the friend you hope to have; I promise it will be worth it!

Some of the incredible ladies from my Elevation Concord herd.
I am so blessed to get to do life with them!

How to Successfully Fight to Surrender

I was reading my bible the other day when I came across a familiar, yet very confusing story. The book of Exodus is full of stories like it; God has Moses, or the Israelites, do something rather bizarre in order to continue to the next scene of their story.

In this particular passage in Exodus 17, the Israelites are being attacked by the Amalekites. So, naturally, Moses sends out an army to fight while he proceeds to climb up a mountain and hold up his staff. I say naturally with complete sarcasm. I mean, who thinks it's a good idea to climb up a mountain and hold a staff in the air while your people are literally fighting for their lives? The crazy thing is, as long as that staff was held high, his army was winning, but when he lowered the staff they would begin to lose.

I've read this so many times and thought this situation showcased some super crazy "God-magic"; however, I didn't see the point. But everything God does has a purpose. Everything. And if He didn't do it, He can work it together to accomplish a far greater purpose than we can imagine.

So, rather than sitting there marinating in the absurdity of this situation, I stopped reading and asked the Lord to show me something I had never seen before. He did, and he almost revealed it to me like I knew it the whole time.

The Lord had me zoom in on Moses' posture. If his arms were raised, they were winning. Interesting! When Moses was in the posture of surrender, they were winning. It seems counterintuitive, but isn't that just like the Kindom of God? And isn't that how we, as Christians, are supposed to live our lives? In surrender to God. It's as if the passage is showing us the way to win in life isn't to fight, or strive, or run to a life of safety; but rather to live our lives in surrender.

Now, we probably aren't fighting an army of Amalekites, but the bible says we are fighting against principalities, powers, rulers of darkness, and spiritual wickedness. And Moses painted a beautiful picture of how we're going to overcome them. In surrender. Because that is where the Lord can fight for us.

Great! Live a life of surrender! Deal? Deal!

But what about when surrender is hard?

My pastor said, "the most substantial struggle of your life is your surrender." I have to agree. There have been seasons in my life when the last thing I wanted to do was surrender. Rather than trusting God through the rapids, I would much prefer to execute my own plan, run back to comfort, or create my own path. Rather than operate by the bible, I sometimes want to operate out of what makes sense in my mind. There have been some seasons I just plain couldn't surrender. I was too tired, too emotional, and too discouraged. Who knew it would be a fight to surrender?

Guess what? Moses knew!

God wasn't surprised by it either. Why do you think God had Moses bring his small group to the top of the mountain with him? Oh, I forgot to mention that seemingly minor detail. Yeah, Moses brought two of his boys up the mountain with him. God knew Moses would need someone to give him a firm foundation to rest on, and someone to hold up his hands when He couldn't.

This resonated so deeply with me. God created us to live in a community. Living a life of surrender to Jesus is hard. We need the right people around to support us, keep us rooted in the foundation of Biblical truths, and to hold up our hands when we can't.

I used to feel like I had to do it all myself. I almost prided myself on not needing people. I really didn't like asking for help. Honestly, I still don't, but I'm learning that this community creates a place for me to live my fullest life in Jesus. The joys are maximized, and the sorrows become bearable in a community.

When I look back through difficult seasons of my life, I see specific people holding up my hands (even though sometimes it took a while for my stubborn self to allow anyone to help). In other seasons I was the one able to hold someone else's hands up. What a beautiful intention God had for his people when he created the community of the local church!

Words can't express how grateful I am for my community!

If Moses climbed the mountain alone, I am convinced, the Israelites would have lost the battle. That's precisely what the devil wants too. He wants you in isolation because he knows it makes you vulnerable to his attacks. My mind was blown when I learned that you can't get a rat addicted to cocaine while he is operating in his community. You have to isolate him before he can be subject to the addiction. Isn't that crazy?  I know, we're not rats, but I absolutely believe the devil wants you isolated for the same reason; to make you susceptible to his schemes. Please don't climb your mountains alone.

Moses surrounded himself with the right people and positioned himself in a posture of surrender to create a space for God to move, and we have the opportunity to do the same. I challenge you to not just go to church but to have a community within your church where you feel safe and supported. A place where you can be vulnerable. A place where you can live the life God intended you to live. A place where we can help each other fight to surrender together.

What are the chances?

What are the chances of this leaf falling directly into my cup of tea? I mean, it's not like leaves are falling like crazy around here. Nor was I trying to catch them like my son yesterday with his baseball glove. It's not particularly windy today either. I was sitting here holding my cup. I saw a leaf fall in my peripheral. I looked down. And there it was, in my tea.

Right before this, I was gazing past the candle flickering on my table to our sloped and wooded back yard. I can't recall what I was thinking about exactly. I get lost in thought often. Perhaps I was thinking about the baby deer, still wearing her spots, exploring our neighbors' yard. Maybe it was our kitten, Chipanbotato, who seemed to be debating whether or not to climb the tree she got stuck in yesterday. Perhaps I wasn't thinking about anything but was simply enjoying this beautifully overcast, cool, kidless, and seemingly enchanting moment.

Whatever it was, this little leaf has my attention now. I can't figure out how it fell from the tree beside me, past my face, and directly into my cup. As I sit here with my mind blown contemplating all of the things that had to align for it to happen, I wonder if we sometimes approach the love of God this way. Like, maybe we think things in our lives need to align perfectly for us to have the chance to be known and loved by the God of the universe.

I've been on a journey of self-awareness for a while (I know, you're wondering what self-awareness has to do with leaves and God loving me, but stick with me for a minute). This last year or so, my journey became a bit more concentrated. Sometimes disheartening. Sometimes discouraging. Sometimes almost crushing. I might have even quit if there was a way to unlearn what I learned. Since real life doesn't work like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Men in Black, I didn't have the option; I had to keep trudging through myself.

It took a while, but I'm learning to give in to the flow and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me gently through these rocky waters, but still, I sometimes want to resist. "You can't have intimacy without vulnerability," He reminds me with His sweet whisper.

Today, I am thankful for those rapids. Through them, I've found the more aware I become of my insufficiencies, my flaws, and my bend towards being human-the more vulnerable I become to intimacy with Jesus. I mean, He already knows me totally and completely, so as I know me more fully, I can only understand His grace and His love for me at a deeper level than before.


The chance He knows and loves us, although mind-blowing, isn't slim. Unlike the leaf falling into my cup, needing everything to align just right, God doesn't need you to align anything. He already did. Heck, He may have even caused that leaf to fall right into my cup this morning to trigger thoughts of His love towards us, so I could tell you that there's a hundred percent chance He knows you, and He loves you.

I love the words Sarah Reeves sings to her Heavenly Father. "You know me better than I know myself, Your ways are higher than anything else, You have the plan far beyond all my wildest dreams. Just like You paint the fiery skies, You chose the color of my eyes. From the start until the end of time, You're in the details."

I hope you take a moment today to bask in His never-ending, perfect love for you. Not the squishy, fluffy, feel-good love. But the type of love you can build the foundation of your life on. Rather than wonder what the chances are that the God of the Universe could love you, live confidently knowing He not only loves you but always has your best interest in mind. He is with you in the struggle and the victory. This love sent His only son to die for you so you could live an abundant life in Him.



Here's to enchanting autumn days, leaves in teacups, and the reminder that we are fully known and fully loved.

What To Do When It Feels Like Jesus Is Passing You By

I sat down on my couch with my coffee to read my Bible. The bright sun cast shadows through the blinds of my living room, my baby crawled up on my lap and the Lord showed me something I can't keep to myself.

I'm reading through Mark since our Pastor is preaching from this book for our churches 'Savage Jesus' series. (Which has been one of my very favorite sermon series' of all times, but then, aren't they all?! Check it out here!)

Anyway, I got to Mark 6:48. The very last sentence in that verse says, 'And [Jesus] was about to pass by them.' That sentence was extremely uncomfortable for me to read.

See, the disciples are exhausted from life and ministry. Jesus sent them off in a boat ahead of Him so He could go to the hills to pray. It's the middle of the night, it's pitch black and storming, and they're in the middle of the sea. This wasn't just any old storm. Some of these guys were fishermen, they were used to storms. In this particular storm though, the Bible says that 'they were troubled and tormented in their rowing.'

I may not have ever been in a boat in the middle of the sea in a treacherous storm but I have found myself facing storms in life that I thought were going to take me out. One of which occurred shortly after this picture was taken.

I remember so vividly walking to the truck on that cool, crisp day at the end of November 2016. My husband was carrying our fourth babe (who was seven months old). Christmas just around the corner. We got to the truck and my husband paused for a moment and then proceeded to tell me that in four short weeks he wasn't going to have a job.

Those words stung my soul.

I was so confused. I felt like we had done what we were called to do. We moved states away from everyone and everything we knew with four kids 5 and under. We were being obedient to what the Lord was telling us to do. We were trying to make sense of it, I knew God was faithful, but I felt abandoned. I was so angry, so confused, and so heartbroken I just wanted to cuss. Instead, I cried.

Have you ever been there? Tired, but doing what you feel like you're supposed to do. Then comes a storm that is completely out of your control but seems to be controlling you. The kind you can't handle on your own; maybe it's unemployment, maybe it's a job transition, marital strife or divorce. Maybe it's health issues or family drama. Maybe it's the decisions your children are making that you know aren't best.

Maybe the disciples felt the same way? They were doing what Jesus told them to do; not what they thought they were supposed to do but what Jesus in the flesh literally told them to do. And they were doing the best they could. But they were exhausted. They were in the middle of the sea, in the middle of the night, and they didn't think they were going to make it.

Plot twist: Here comes Jesus walking on the water. Now they're not only troubled and tormented by the storm and don't think they're going to make it, but they're terrified of Jesus, who they've misidentified as a ghost.

Cue Mark 6:48 where '[Jesus] was about to pass by them'.

Really Jesus? Your disciples are horrified and you're about to pass by them? When I read this it didn't make any sense to me but I absolutely related to the feeling. You know? The one where you're in distress and it feels like He's passing you right by.

Hey God, I'm still here, doing what I feel like I'm supposed to do, trying to make the most of the middle. You said you would work all things together for my good, but I sure don't see it. I've been rowing for four miles in this massive storm with no end in sight, I'm tired and I'm pretty sure it's over.

'But immediately He talked with them and said, Take heart! I AM! Stop being alarmed and afraid.' (Mark 6:50)

Woah! Did you feel that thing rise up on the inside of you when you read that? That's called hope. Just when they couldn't go any further, just when exhaustion was setting in and they were about to give up, just when they couldn't take anymore and it seemed Jesus was going to pass right by them He showed up. Read it again!

'Take heart! I AM! Stop being alarmed and afraid.'

In other words, God's got this! Whatever we need, HE IS! Don't be scared!

Then Jesus got in the boat with them, and the wind stopped. I love this line from the Amplified translation, the wind 'sank to rest as if exhausted by its own beating.'

What an incredible reminder of who controls the storm that seems to be controlling us.

I AM does.

Six months after my husband's life-sucking announcement he was offered the job that the Lord had intended us to have from the beginning. Without that stormy season of our lives, we would not be in the position we are in now spiritually, personally or professionally. That season was one of uncomfortable growth, soul searching, and faith-testing. Since we're on the other side of the sea I can honestly say that I wouldn't change that storm for anything. I would not have been prepared for our season of life now had it not been for our experience then.

If you're not in the middle of a storm now, I hate to say it but one day you will be. When you find yourself there I hope you'll see the storm as an invitation to trust God at a deeper level. I hope that your eyes will be opened to see His love for you and you rest assured knowing that God works all things together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I hope through it all you allow Him to reveal to you His true character. HE IS!

If you are experiencing a storm, I know it's easier said than done, but I challenge you to study, possess, and rest in His promises. (I don't know about you, but the rest part is especially hard for me, I am continually figuring out what this looks like.) Some things I do know though, His promises are yes and amen. He has plans to prosper you. You can actually be still while He fights for you. Listen while He guides you. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Have faith, your miracle is on the way. (Listen here for an incredible sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick about trusting God's timing.)

Praying and believing that your best is yet to come.

Christmas 2016

This Is All New To Me

Well. This is weird. I’ve been numbing for at least a week now. Getting lost in the routine and trying to stay on top of all of the things. You know, the back to school paperwork, laundry, school supplies, lunch-making and packing, new systems, homework, and the emotional states of all my children. In the meantime, I’ve been shoving down the emotions that try to fill my tear ducts. Until today. Today I’m giving myself space and grace to process it all. 

You see, three out of my four kids are now in school. And my 3 year old even gets to go to preschool on Tuesdays. You probably can’t guess what day today is. It’s Tuesday. The first Tuesday of the first full week of our new routine. The first day that I get to be by myself from 8:20-2:30. Also, the first day that I’m allowing myself to process.

Three years ago I had 4 kids five and under at home with me. It was there where I thought most of my dreams died. As dramatic as it sounds now, I thought that I would be changing diapers, wiping butts, doing endless loads of laundry and dishes, living that non-showered mom-bun life forever (said like the kid from Sandlot)! Forever! But here we are, on the other side, and not only are my dreams still there, they’ve been refined, that’s a story for a different day, though. Today my heart is mourning.

Here's my three years ago. Look how little!!!!!

I do have the tendency to ruminate, and today is even more than normal. The season I felt would never end, but tried my hardest to make the most of (because as hard as it was I knew one day I would miss it) is coming to a close. My world as I knew it is changing. And it’s weird. Now, I still get to have my youngest home for 2 more years (phew), but having her gone one day a week gives me a glimpse of things to come. Some of those things I’m looking forward to, like drinking the entirety of this coffee while it’s hot! But some of them are just sad.

My new Tuesday office at Groundwork Common with said hot coffee. 

The simplicity of keeping children alive morphed into the complexity of managing four very distinct people who are learning to navigate their very own journeys of life. Lazy mornings have turned into regimented routines ensuring everyone is fed, teeth brushed, lunches packed, backpacks packed, oh, and clothes on before 7:30am. Afternoon couch snuggle time at some point evolved into homework time. Spontaneous outdoor picnics now take place at a table in a school cafeteria. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, it’s just weird.

When I think back on the last 9 years of my life, when my baby bearing began, it’s hard not to wonder if I did everything I could while I had my babes home. I really tried but did I made the most of each moment? Did I teach my kids the right things in the right stages? Do they know how much I love them? Despite my efforts, did I do enough? Was I enough?

I mean, applesauce and tortilla chips are a healthy lunch, right?

Our pastor preached a sermon last weekend (I know, God’s timing is always perfect) called, ‘Trust me, I’m trying!’ This sermon was profound, refreshing and beautifully articulated the grace of our loving savior in the midst of our ‘try’. It is still deeply resonating with my heart.(I highly encourage you to watch it. You'll see my husband and me on the front row too!) Whether it’s a situation in our lives where we feel like we’re trying or one where we feel like we tried, how incredible is it that we can TRUST? I can trust that His grace is sufficient for every season of our lives. I’m learning not to put so much pressure on myself because my God is the one who makes things grow, not me. He has been so faithful and He won’t stop being faithful. I can look forward to this next season with wonder and look back into the last season trusting my gracious Heavenly Father. I have a feeling it will take a while to get used to navigating the back and forth in my brain but that’s life, isn’t it?

I promise, I’m fine. And no, I don’t want to have any more kids but if you’re a mama of littles, enjoy these days! Enjoy the simplicity, the binge Disney days, the snuggles, even the monotony. One day it’s over and you’ll wonder where it went. 

I hope when we look at our beautiful children we don't contemplate the what-if's and not-enough's but we remember all of the fun, the chaos and the exhaustion with fondness. I hope we rest assured knowing God has our past covered in grace and with Him the best is always ahead. But that doesn’t mean it's not a little bit sad too. 

This year's first day of school picture. Aren't they so presh?

I’d say I finally started processing and I think I’m going to be okay. I can be sad and expectant at the same time; anticipating the future and mourning the loss of a season all at once. I’m sure I’ll cry more, and probably do some rejoicing, (I mean I just got to drink a whole hot coffee in one sitting!), but for now I better lock it up, it's time to pick up my kiddos from school!

Here's to trying to make the most of all this because before I know it they’ll be driving themselves home from school. (Insert emoji with the big huge eyes, you know the one I’m talking about, right?)

The Month I Wasn't Ready For

The month of October was one I’m not sure I ever could have been prepared for. I've had difficulty processing some of its unfortunate events; let alone articulate the sadness I am feeling after losing one of my friends. 

My beautiful friend right before my husband baptized her

My hope is that sharing my journey of how the Father of Mercy, and the God of all healing counsel is walking me through this I can come alongside someone else who is going through a seemingly unbearable situation too. (1 Corinthians 1:3-5)

The morning of my friend’s funeral I was fighting a funk. I wish I could say I was winning, but honestly I hardly had the energy to hold up my gloves to protect myself from the blows coming right at me. My husband stepped in to help me fight and encouraged me to read Psalm 77. 

I love how unfiltered David was with his feelings. He laid it all out there for the Lord knowing that God wasn’t intimidated by his feelings, doubts, or questions. Although the first half of this Psalm seems extremely hopeless, I found his transparency refreshing. 

But halfway through the Psalm David’s tone changes dramatically. He goes from expressing hopelessness, defeat and feeling abandoned to expressing gratitude by saying ‘Once again I’ll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts.’ 

Walking into the funeral that afternoon I realized that gratitude was the vehicle that was going to get me through this; and I didn’t have to ride alone. None of us do. I looked around and was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and immense sense of pride in the community God gave me to do life with.  The way they come together to care for each other through traumatic events is beyond amazing. The way they rally around the hurting and the broken as God restores what the devil stole is inspiring. The commitment they have to walking with people while God turns what was meant for evil into something beautiful is incredible. 

Despite some of the emotions I have been sorting, this morning I woke up overwhelmed to tears with gratitude. Gratitude for the dream I get to be a part of and the people I get to do it with. 

As followers of Christ we are all called to ministry. In ministry the highs are high and the lows are low; but we get to do life and ministry together as a community. In community the sweet becomes sweeter and the bitter becomes bearable. 

Our family is usually intentional about practicing gratitude but through this season I’m learning how gratitude becomes a weapon we use to fight against darkness, hopelessness, and confusion. We don’t have to understand everything in order to be grateful for something. 

Whether you’re going through a low season right now or are at a high point, I challenge you to practice gratitude; it is a weapon. Just like any weapon you have, in order for it to work you have to use it and the more you practice the easier it gets. I also challenge you to not only attend a local church but to jump in, serve and see what God can do through you. It is there you will get to do life the way God intended; together. 

Let Go

A few months ago I would have told you that one of my greatest fears in life was not reaching my full potential. I worried that I would not make the impact God intended me to make for the kingdom of heaven. That I would single handedly screw up the plans He had for me. This was such a fear that the pressure I put on myself caused anxiety, it brought unbearable stress, and even hopelessness. 

I got lost in the world of personal development, thinking I could develop myself to my fullest potential. I was constantly striving to be better but never measured up to my own expectations of myself. 

Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with personal development, but when you begin to rely on yourself to change you instead of the transforming power of Jesus, well, that’s when we have a problem

The Lord gently lead (and I’m confident will continue to lead) me on a journey of freedom from this. ‘The Me I Want to Be’ by John Ortberg dropped massive truth bombs on my puny perspective and spoke directly to my soul.

Ortberg says ‘"As you [move toward the best version of yourself], you glimpse for a moment why God made you. Only God knows your full potential, and he is guiding you toward that best version of yourself all the time. He has many tools and is never in a hurry. That can be frustrating for us, but even in our frustration, God is at work to produce patience in us. He never gets discouraged by how long it takes, and he delights every time you grow. Only God can see the 'best version of you,' and he is more concerned with you reaching your full potential than you are.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. [Eph. 2:10]

You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project. Your life is God's project. God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be."

Are you kidding me? Don’t you just love God?

To solidify these truths the week after I read this He gave me a picture in worship. 

We were able to attend the live recording of Elevation Worship's new album Hallelujah Here Below. I can't remember the exact line to the song we were singing but I do remember the word 'throne' that triggered the following picture:

I was climbing to the top of an unrealistically tall ladder. The ladder wobbled with every step. There I stood shaking at the top, everything below me blurred into darkness in the distance, I was trying my hardest not to fall. And the Lord simply asked me, ‘Do you trust me?' I wanted to say yes, but if I truly trusted Him then I wouldn’t be experiencing anxiety about my future, I wouldn’t be distressed about the dreams in my heart going stagnant, and I wouldn’t be worried about missing out on all that God prepared for me. 

As I basked in His presence He sweetly convicted me of my sin. I was breaking the first commandment. I wasn’t blatantly worshiping a golden calf, but I was putting more weight on my ability to screw up my life than I was on trusting Him with my whole self, future and all. I was on the throne of my future, not Him. Do you know what that is? Idolatry.

In that moment I let go. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I let myself fall backwards off of that ladder.

And guess what? 

God caught me.

Like He always has and He always will.

When I try to take control of outcomes and allow fear and anxiety into my thoughts, when I place myself on the throne of my future I'm simultaneously placing myself at the top of a really tall, very unstable ladder. At that point I have two choices; strive anxiously to stay there and wait for the imminent ending or choose to let go.

I've found myself re-visiting this picture when I attempt to be the god of my future. I'd love to invite you to visit it any time you need to!

When you start to question whether He is trustworthy, whether He’s faithful, or whether He has a plan, picture yourself on top of the highest ladder you can imagine and simply let go. Fall backwards. And rest assured, He will always catch you. Be encouraged. He will never, ever fail. His ways are higher, His thoughts are deeper, His plans are perfect, He created you on purpose and He will complete the work He began in you. 

Here's to letting go, trusting Him, and living life to the fullest!