This Is All New To Me

Well. This is weird. I’ve been numbing for at least a week now. Getting lost in the routine and trying to stay on top of all of the things. You know, the back to school paperwork, laundry, school supplies, lunch-making and packing, new systems, homework, and the emotional states of all my children. In the meantime, I’ve been shoving down the emotions that try to fill my tear ducts. Until today. Today I’m giving myself space and grace to process it all. 

You see, three out of my four kids are now in school. And my 3 year old even gets to go to preschool on Tuesdays. You probably can’t guess what day today is. It’s Tuesday. The first Tuesday of the first full week of our new routine. The first day that I get to be by myself from 8:20-2:30. Also, the first day that I’m allowing myself to process.

Three years ago I had 4 kids five and under at home with me. It was there where I thought most of my dreams died. As dramatic as it sounds now, I thought that I would be changing diapers, wiping butts, doing endless loads of laundry and dishes, living that non-showered mom-bun life forever (said like the kid from Sandlot)! Forever! But here we are, on the other side, and not only are my dreams still there, they’ve been refined, that’s a story for a different day, though. Today my heart is mourning.

Here's my three years ago. Look how little!!!!!

I do have the tendency to ruminate, and today is even more than normal. The season I felt would never end, but tried my hardest to make the most of (because as hard as it was I knew one day I would miss it) is coming to a close. My world as I knew it is changing. And it’s weird. Now, I still get to have my youngest home for 2 more years (phew), but having her gone one day a week gives me a glimpse of things to come. Some of those things I’m looking forward to, like drinking the entirety of this coffee while it’s hot! But some of them are just sad.

My new Tuesday office at Groundwork Common with said hot coffee. 

The simplicity of keeping children alive morphed into the complexity of managing four very distinct people who are learning to navigate their very own journeys of life. Lazy mornings have turned into regimented routines ensuring everyone is fed, teeth brushed, lunches packed, backpacks packed, oh, and clothes on before 7:30am. Afternoon couch snuggle time at some point evolved into homework time. Spontaneous outdoor picnics now take place at a table in a school cafeteria. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, it’s just weird.

When I think back on the last 9 years of my life, when my baby bearing began, it’s hard not to wonder if I did everything I could while I had my babes home. I really tried but did I made the most of each moment? Did I teach my kids the right things in the right stages? Do they know how much I love them? Despite my efforts, did I do enough? Was I enough?

I mean, applesauce and tortilla chips are a healthy lunch, right?

Our pastor preached a sermon last weekend (I know, God’s timing is always perfect) called, ‘Trust me, I’m trying!’ This sermon was profound, refreshing and beautifully articulated the grace of our loving savior in the midst of our ‘try’. It is still deeply resonating with my heart.(I highly encourage you to watch it. You'll see my husband and me on the front row too!) Whether it’s a situation in our lives where we feel like we’re trying or one where we feel like we tried, how incredible is it that we can TRUST? I can trust that His grace is sufficient for every season of our lives. I’m learning not to put so much pressure on myself because my God is the one who makes things grow, not me. He has been so faithful and He won’t stop being faithful. I can look forward to this next season with wonder and look back into the last season trusting my gracious Heavenly Father. I have a feeling it will take a while to get used to navigating the back and forth in my brain but that’s life, isn’t it?

I promise, I’m fine. And no, I don’t want to have any more kids but if you’re a mama of littles, enjoy these days! Enjoy the simplicity, the binge Disney days, the snuggles, even the monotony. One day it’s over and you’ll wonder where it went. 

I hope when we look at our beautiful children we don't contemplate the what-if's and not-enough's but we remember all of the fun, the chaos and the exhaustion with fondness. I hope we rest assured knowing God has our past covered in grace and with Him the best is always ahead. But that doesn’t mean it's not a little bit sad too. 

This year's first day of school picture. Aren't they so presh?

I’d say I finally started processing and I think I’m going to be okay. I can be sad and expectant at the same time; anticipating the future and mourning the loss of a season all at once. I’m sure I’ll cry more, and probably do some rejoicing, (I mean I just got to drink a whole hot coffee in one sitting!), but for now I better lock it up, it's time to pick up my kiddos from school!

Here's to trying to make the most of all this because before I know it they’ll be driving themselves home from school. (Insert emoji with the big huge eyes, you know the one I’m talking about, right?)

The Month I Wasn't Ready For

The month of October was one I’m not sure I ever could have been prepared for. I've had difficulty processing some of its unfortunate events; let alone articulate the sadness I am feeling after losing one of my friends. 

My beautiful friend right before my husband baptized her

My hope is that sharing my journey of how the Father of Mercy, and the God of all healing counsel is walking me through this I can come alongside someone else who is going through a seemingly unbearable situation too. (1 Corinthians 1:3-5)

The morning of my friend’s funeral I was fighting a funk. I wish I could say I was winning, but honestly I hardly had the energy to hold up my gloves to protect myself from the blows coming right at me. My husband stepped in to help me fight and encouraged me to read Psalm 77. 

I love how unfiltered David was with his feelings. He laid it all out there for the Lord knowing that God wasn’t intimidated by his feelings, doubts, or questions. Although the first half of this Psalm seems extremely hopeless, I found his transparency refreshing. 

But halfway through the Psalm David’s tone changes dramatically. He goes from expressing hopelessness, defeat and feeling abandoned to expressing gratitude by saying ‘Once again I’ll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts.’ 

Walking into the funeral that afternoon I realized that gratitude was the vehicle that was going to get me through this; and I didn’t have to ride alone. None of us do. I looked around and was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and immense sense of pride in the community God gave me to do life with.  The way they come together to care for each other through traumatic events is beyond amazing. The way they rally around the hurting and the broken as God restores what the devil stole is inspiring. The commitment they have to walking with people while God turns what was meant for evil into something beautiful is incredible. 

Despite some of the emotions I have been sorting, this morning I woke up overwhelmed to tears with gratitude. Gratitude for the dream I get to be a part of and the people I get to do it with. 

As followers of Christ we are all called to ministry. In ministry the highs are high and the lows are low; but we get to do life and ministry together as a community. In community the sweet becomes sweeter and the bitter becomes bearable. 

Our family is usually intentional about practicing gratitude but through this season I’m learning how gratitude becomes a weapon we use to fight against darkness, hopelessness, and confusion. We don’t have to understand everything in order to be grateful for something. 

Whether you’re going through a low season right now or are at a high point, I challenge you to practice gratitude; it is a weapon. Just like any weapon you have, in order for it to work you have to use it and the more you practice the easier it gets. I also challenge you to not only attend a local church but to jump in, serve and see what God can do through you. It is there you will get to do life the way God intended; together. 

Let Go

A few months ago I would have told you that one of my greatest fears in life was not reaching my full potential. I worried that I would not make the impact God intended me to make for the kingdom of heaven. That I would single handedly screw up the plans He had for me. This was such a fear that the pressure I put on myself caused anxiety, it brought unbearable stress, and even hopelessness. 

I got lost in the world of personal development, thinking I could develop myself to my fullest potential. I was constantly striving to be better but never measured up to my own expectations of myself. 

Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with personal development, but when you begin to rely on yourself to change you instead of the transforming power of Jesus, well, that’s when we have a problem

The Lord gently lead (and I’m confident will continue to lead) me on a journey of freedom from this. ‘The Me I Want to Be’ by John Ortberg dropped massive truth bombs on my puny perspective and spoke directly to my soul.

Ortberg says ‘"As you [move toward the best version of yourself], you glimpse for a moment why God made you. Only God knows your full potential, and he is guiding you toward that best version of yourself all the time. He has many tools and is never in a hurry. That can be frustrating for us, but even in our frustration, God is at work to produce patience in us. He never gets discouraged by how long it takes, and he delights every time you grow. Only God can see the 'best version of you,' and he is more concerned with you reaching your full potential than you are.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. [Eph. 2:10]

You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project. Your life is God's project. God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be."

Are you kidding me? Don’t you just love God?

To solidify these truths the week after I read this He gave me a picture in worship. 

We were able to attend the live recording of Elevation Worship's new album Hallelujah Here Below. I can't remember the exact line to the song we were singing but I do remember the word 'throne' that triggered the following picture:

I was climbing to the top of an unrealistically tall ladder. The ladder wobbled with every step. There I stood shaking at the top, everything below me blurred into darkness in the distance, I was trying my hardest not to fall. And the Lord simply asked me, ‘Do you trust me?' I wanted to say yes, but if I truly trusted Him then I wouldn’t be experiencing anxiety about my future, I wouldn’t be distressed about the dreams in my heart going stagnant, and I wouldn’t be worried about missing out on all that God prepared for me. 

As I basked in His presence He sweetly convicted me of my sin. I was breaking the first commandment. I wasn’t blatantly worshiping a golden calf, but I was putting more weight on my ability to screw up my life than I was on trusting Him with my whole self, future and all. I was on the throne of my future, not Him. Do you know what that is? Idolatry.

In that moment I let go. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I let myself fall backwards off of that ladder.

And guess what? 

God caught me.

Like He always has and He always will.

When I try to take control of outcomes and allow fear and anxiety into my thoughts, when I place myself on the throne of my future I'm simultaneously placing myself at the top of a really tall, very unstable ladder. At that point I have two choices; strive anxiously to stay there and wait for the imminent ending or choose to let go.

I've found myself re-visiting this picture when I attempt to be the god of my future. I'd love to invite you to visit it any time you need to!

When you start to question whether He is trustworthy, whether He’s faithful, or whether He has a plan, picture yourself on top of the highest ladder you can imagine and simply let go. Fall backwards. And rest assured, He will always catch you. Be encouraged. He will never, ever fail. His ways are higher, His thoughts are deeper, His plans are perfect, He created you on purpose and He will complete the work He began in you. 

Here's to letting go, trusting Him, and living life to the fullest!

Our REAL First Day of School

When I was a kid I loved back-to-school time! I loved back-to-school clothes shopping with my mom. I loved finding the best deals on school supplies and going from store to store with our whole family to get the best prices in town. I loved the anticipation and excitement that came from a new routine and new opportunities.

I wish I could say all of my kids shared the same excitement as me.

Our first day of school was a week and a half ago, and if you noticed, I still haven't posted our first day of school pictures. I took a few cute ones before we left the house but since the drop-off scene at school was so heart-wrenching I never posted them.

First, my kindergartener; he waltzed right in and sat down like he owned the place. We got him situated and he didn't even turn around to watch us leave. So, naturally, I start to tear up as we walk the hall to drop off my second grader with her two little sisters in tow.

We got all of her supplies and her little bin all situated and her tears started flowing. Trying to get her in that classroom was like trying to shove a camel through the eye of a needle. She wouldn't budge. (Sometime around here my husband snuck out so as not to be late to work.)

So here I am standing in the hallway, holding my two-year-old, while my 4-year-old is dancing to the music in her head and my sweet-spirited second grader is sitting against the wall crying uncontrollably as her new teacher is trying to console her. Because I didn't know the right thing to do I told her I loved her and I left, very quickly, for fear she would see me cry too.

I ducked behind a hallway, trying to compose myself while other parents walked by giving me that sympathy smile. I did a pretty good job until a friend of mine walked by. That's when I had to cover my face with my shirt for fear that she'd see me ugly cry right there in the middle of the elementary school hallway. She gave me a great mom-hug.

I secretly made sure she had calmed down and then we left. We got donuts and coffee with my mom-hug friend to try to keep our minds off of the first day of school.

That day I cried. I called the school. And I called one of my best friends, who also happens to be a therapist. (God knew I needed a best friend who is a therapist.)

I remember crying so hard I'm sure she couldn't understand what I was saying. I didn't want to cause my daughter to have trust issues, or for her to feel abandoned. I didn't want to break her spirit but I didn't know what else to do. I felt so helpless.

I don't remember exactly what she said but I remember the spirit of it:

My daughter knows that we love her and would never put her in harms way, she knows she is in a safe place, she knows that her class mates love her (because she already knew all but 3 of them), but she was experiencing discomfort. My friend reminded me that if we intervene every time our children are uncomfortable (in safe situations) then they will never learn how to deal with discomfort in real life. And if you've lived any amount of time you know there are situations, and even seasons, in real life that are very uncomfortable.

As I was replaying this event over and over the Lord reminded me of some of my own behaviors. I saw myself there, in my daughter's shoes, in the hallway, crouched down and feeling abandoned by the very one who brought me there.

You see, our word for the year is 'Growth'. (I've already picked 'Prosperity' for next year. Haha!) Guess what? Growth is uncomfortable. More than once this year have I found myself crouched on the floor in tears wondering where God went, wondering why I felt the way that I did, and wondering when it would be over and when I would sense His presence again.

We're not left alone but we're given space to be allowed to grow.

Can I be honest here? Okay good! The heaviness of ministry, the difficulties of parenting, the extremely disturbing season of self-awareness, the loneliness I felt on the inside from being away from family have, at times, left me feeling like I was operating at a deficit. I felt like my father took me to a place, and then he just left me there drowning in discomfort. Maybe you've been there?

The Lord reminded me that as hard as I was TRYING to do what was best for my daughter, He IS doing what's best for me. (See Matthew 7:11) He reminded me that He'll never leave me or forsake me. In this situation, He also reminded me that He'll never leave my daughter either, even though I had to.

Growing up is hard, raising kids is hard, and so is growing in our faith. But without learning how to navigate life's discomforts we would stay in a child-like state forever. Without uncomfortable times our trust and relationship with the Lord couldn't grow and we wouldn't have testimonies.

Through my doubts, my emotions, my questions I am learning to rest assured that He is working all things together for my good because He is a good, good father and He loves me. Just because I can't feel Him doesn't mean He's not doing what's best for me.

Isn't it interesting that the times in our lives when we can be the most uncomfortable are the times in our lives when we see the most growth?

Although I don't hope for uncomfortable situations or seasons to arise I am learning to embrace them because I do know the kind of growth I will experience through them. And I do know that my God won't leave me but is faithful to complete the work He began in me. (Philippians 1:6) I can even trust Him with my childrens' discomforts. Knowing that I will fall short as a mother, but He never will as a father, and He loves my kids even more than I do.

That first-day-of-school I was on pins and needles all day. I cried. I could not focus on anything. Pick up time could not come soon enough. But when I did pick up my babes they both confidently strutted to our van like they kicked the first day of school's you-know-what. In our case sorrow came in the morning, but growth happened and joy came through in the afternoon!

Today I'm grateful for life's lessons taught to me by my Father, through my children.

The Truth About Friday's Family Fun Day

I had been planning this day for weeks. The last Friday before our kids went back to school meant our last day-long family fun day. I was sad but I was also bound to make the most of it.

First, we would wake up, AnDrew and I would have coffee on the porch and then we would go to our neighborhood pool for some swim time.

Then we would eat lunch and get ready to go back to school shoe shopping and stop for a surprise treat at Cookie Dough Bliss.

Finally, we would finish the day with pizza and a movie night.

Now that I read it back I picture Will Ferrell dressed up like an Elf reading it to me from an etch-a-sketch.

Here's what really happened:

Coffee on the porch was tense because we have 4 children who kept interrupting us wanting our attention. We didn't get to talk, and I didn't get to enjoy my coffee, so I cut it short and ran to the store.

When I got back the baby had drank over half of my iced vanilla latte, AnDrew (my husband) and I weren't on the same page and I didn't have the energy to get there so I steeped in my funkiness. And it took us an hour and a half to get ready for the pool.

But they sure were cute!

I had to take some deep breaths, talk to AnDrew and reset my attitude on the way to the pool. At this point it was only 11:30am. When we were there we had a great time...until our sweet ginger child decided to throw one of his famous tantrums. The baby also hit her afternoon wall but was confused because of all of the caffeine she drank so she was in a mood too. And my four year old was as emotional as a girl going through puberty.

We got home, had lunch, and instead of getting ready for shoe shopping we got ready for naps. I didn't smile much in the process. The youngest 2 took baths, the oldest 2 took showers and then the youngest 3 fought with all their might but you better believe they took naps. Praise the Lord for nap time!

At this time I let go of my expectations, because the day clearly wasn't going how I had planned. I drank a coffee (the whole one this time), took some more deep breaths, reset for the second time, and hung out with my oldest while my husband mowed the yard.

Decisions, decisions!

After nap we left for the special treat! Cookie Dough Bliss. The kids loved it, however, the sugar rush didn't help the shoe shopping process. My sweet ginger child threw yet another fit before we even got out of the car, my four year old couldn't stay still, I thought we lost the baby once, and I thought someone stole my phone at one point too. It was chaotic and, yet again, not as much fun as I had hoped. I wound up taking the youngest 2 back to the car to wait while daddy checked out with the oldest two and their new shoes.

She was the only one who behaved so, naturally, she's the only one I could take a picture of!

At home 3/4 of the kids threw a fit because they didn't want to watch the movie we picked out. We told them they could go to bed instead. I was tired and disappointed that my kids weren't super grateful for the day we just had.

Positivity is one of my top 5 strengths. (See Strengths Finder). So throughout the day I focused on the positives (hence the pictures and my Instastory). You know, the times when my kids weren't arguing or getting on my nerves. The times when they had wonder in their eyes instead of when they were acting like entitled teenagers. We had some great moments, but after I let myself be honest about the day, I was disappointed.

Guess who's fault that was?

Mine.

So you know what I did when the kids were watching the movie that they had initially thrown a fit about watching?

I started reading a parenting book.

In my almost 8 short years of parenting I have learned that if my kids are regularly on my nerves, or their behavior doesn't match the behavior that I expect, it is no ones fault but my own. It's my responsibility to develop their character and to train them. So if they're ungrateful and are acting entitled, guess what? It's my fault. If they are running around like crazy animals in the store and won't listen and obey, guess what? It's my fault.

The Lord gave me these little blessings to raise; He entrusted them to me, so the responsibility rests on me to train them up in the ways they should go and to develop their character. What do we believe? How do we act? How do we love and accept love? How do we take care of our bodies? How do we feel and process emotions?

The book I picked up last night says "If a person's character makeup determines his future, then child rearing is primarily about helping children to develop character that will take them through life safely, securely, productively, and joyfully."

I promise the books not called Bound with Kids! Haha! 

How am I supposed to know how to develop their character if I first don't develop my own and then train myself on how to develop theirs?

Part of being faithful with what God gave us is studying the subject, doing the best we can with what we've learned, applying it and ultimately devoting everything we do to God.

I'm grateful for an age where information is so easily accessible. I'm thankful for books like 'Boundaries with Kids,' and 'Have a New Kid by Friday,' among others. I'm grateful for all of the people who have gone before me who have also failed at times, but didn't quit because I can look to them for inspiration and advice.

Although I was disappointed, here's to family fun days that don't go as planned but that push us to continue to learn how to parent for the sake of our children's futures.

My 27 Minute Labor and Delivery

In order to adequately portray the faithfulness of God throughout this experience I have to back track to the beginning of my pregnancy. If you've ever birthed a baby you know that pushing that thing out isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. Although I have been extremely blessed with all of my home birthing experiences this time I had some very serious anxiety about what I wanted to call 'doomsday'.

I had to discern if this anxiety was coming from the Holy Spirit prompting me to give birth in a hospital in case we needed an intervention or was the devil attacking my thoughts and bringing fear into my situation. After I discerned that it was the latter I was able to give in to the process that the Lord was leading me through.

I did all that I could do to be sure that I was as healthy as possible going into labor. From attending exercise/stretching classes multiple times per week, taking my supplements, walking, chiropractor visits to additional stretching almost every night in my third trimester, I felt like there was nothing else I could do to ensure a positive labor and delivery but lean on the Lord to come through and do what only He could do. After all, you can't have a positive birth experience if you are anxious the whole time. A woman's body just doesn't work like that.

A few weeks before she was due my anxiety got worse, I was dreading the pain and it seemed I would break down and cry about every night, even when we were out on date nights. My husband would pray with me and remind me that I wasn't alone in this experience. The presence of the Lord would be with me. The joy of the Lord would be my strength. And I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I began to meditate on bible verses every night while AnDrew was putting the other 3 children to bed. I began to worship when I walked and proclaimed His promises over me and my upcoming experience. There are so many times when I would be walking or laying in bed mediating and I would feel that peace that surpasses all understanding begin to guard my heart and my mind. There was nothing that I could do but bask in it, throw my arms up and let the tears flow! I'm sure that people that I walked past thought I was a crazy pregnant lady!

The Lord brought to my attention that I was trusting Him with the transitions that my family was about to go through; moving our entire family to Charlotte, NC in order to answer His very specific call. But I was having a hard time trusting Him in the transition of labor and delivery. I felt like the devil knew that peace surrounded the other areas of my life so he attacked this area extra hard. But my God always wins!! His faithfulness endures forever!!

Our last day as a family of five.

The morning of the day that ArrowGrace arrived I had a doctors appointment where I was informed that I was between 4-5 cm and 80-90% effaced. I had been having contractions for weeks, some even woke me up in the middle of the night, but they never got closer than about 10 minutes apart. It was encouraging to know that they were working and my body was getting ready.

After my appointment I went for a walk at a park in the area where I felt the presence of the Lord so strong I couldn't help but raise my hands to worship Him. Again, I'm sure people thought that I was crazy but I didn't even care. Tears streamed behind my sunglasses, just like they are now as I write this just remembering the intimate time that I shared with my savior and friend.

By this point the Lord was patiently helping me fight the battle in my mind and I had a peace about labor and delivery. I knew that I was going to have to fight to keep my peace, but that I could do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter the circumstance; whether it's moving my family across the country or birthing a baby. He is such a good father.

(The song 'Come to Me' by Bethel was and is a song that I lean on! You can listen here!)

After the park I did what any mother would do when she knew she was close to her due date; I bought a smoothie and went shopping for a few more precious little outfits for my baby girl! :) And then picked up my three kiddos from preschool for some afternoon snuggles!

Sometime that evening I started having contractions and thought I should time them....it seemed like hours and they still never got closer than 10 minutes, nor were they very hard. AnDrew went to church for rehearsal and would periodically check on me. Even though I assured him I was fine and he should stay at church because I didn't want to be a drama queen, he decided to come home. That was probably around 6:45pm or so. We live-streamed the church service from our couch, all the while timing contractions. But again, I'd been having these for weeks and they weren't getting harder or closer together.

After the church service AnDrew put the kids to bed and I went to lay down in our bed to meditate for a while. I texted the midwife just to let her know that I had been having contractions and was going to lay down for a while and maybe get in the bath in a while to see if they would slow down or speed up. Just as AnDrew came downstairs I had a real contraction! Like the kind that you have to moan through in order to stay relaxed. He immediately grabbed my phone and texted the midwife and told her to come! That was at 9:10pm.

From there everything was kind of a blur. As AnDrew was getting me in the bathtub all 3 of the kids came downstairs and had to go potty at the same time!! Hahaha! I remember him saying 'sit down, right there, right now!' They were pretty excited that they weren't sent back to their room. Drew called his parents and they came and got them!

Where the magic happened. :)

While all of that was going on I had a couple of real contractions; 7 minutes, then 6. They were so hard that AnDrew couldn't leave my side. We prayed through the contractions. Then 5 minutes. Then 4; it was about this time I vividly remember the doubt and the fear of the pain that started to overtake my thoughts. In an instant I glanced at the crown of thorns that I strategically put next to my bathtub for such a time as this. I switched my thinking away from my pain and onto the pain that my Savior felt taking the sins of the world onto himself in order to save humanity and my pain diminished.  I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true. It was supernatural. I reminded myself out loud that the joy of the Lord was my strength.

Then 3 minutes; AnDrew saw my hips spreading and asked if I wanted to take my bottoms down. (We were expecting a photographer and I wanted to break her into this whole birthing experience rather than have her come into the room to my nakedness. I was thinking it was going to be a few hours. Boy was I wrong.) Then 3 minutes; I ripped my bottoms down and the next instant her head was out and AnDrew said 'keep pushing, babe' and just like that we welcomed out sweet 7 lb. 14 oz. ArrowGrace Rhythm into the world!

He lifted her up out of the bathtub and put her on my chest! It was over! It was 9:37pm and it was over! Even though I doubted my God, He was still faithful. She was my gift! I was given a word from my sister-in-love about how the Lord was going to reward me publicly for what I was doing in secret and that this labor and delivery was going to be a gift! Gift is an understatement!

It was my husband and me and the presence of the Lord!

She came out of the water and cried. It was magical!

He called the midwife. She was still an hour and a half away!

He called his parents. They had JUST gotten back to their house with the kids when we told them to come back!

Our precious photographer got there minutes after she was born. Some of the following pictures were literally taken when she was 3 minutes old. There are hundreds, but these are some of my favorites.

All I can say is woah! How great your love is for me! How great is your love!!!!

The first few hours after giving birth have to be the most incredible high a person could ever experience! Talk about joy comes in the morning! You know the saying a picture's worth a thousand words?! Here are a few thousand words for you!!

Shepherd of my soul. May we never lose our wonder.

I love the look on AnDrew's face in this picture! Yeah babe, that just happened! ;)

Meeting their baby sister!

ArrowGrace Rhythm

Making the Most of the Middle

I was talking to a friend of mine at Starbucks two weeks ago and found it interesting how, although we are going through two very different situations, we are both in the middle of waiting to see certain promises of God come to fruition in our lives. 

Maybe you've been there.

It feels like wandering around aimlessly in the desert...Or chomping at the bit, ready to run the race, but not knowing where the finish line is...Or knowing you're called to more but at the same time knowing that you're right where you're supposed to be. 

We know that God is faithful, but not knowing how or when God is going to work things out is tough. Actually, it's terrible!

I recently found myself thinking in circles and trying to figure out God's plan for my life when the Lord reminded me of this picture.

I feel like it beautifully portrays the heart of God for his children. What it doesn't do, however, is depict the emotions of the snapshot after this one. The one where God asks you for your teddy bear and you give it to Him. You sell your house. You move your family. You quit your job. You end that relationship. You give Him your addiction. And now you're left standing there empty handed. You've given God what he asked for and are now left waiting for Him to give you His best. The only thing is, you don't know when that will be and time seems to move extra slow in this season. 

Friends, welcome to transition. 

I was having a one sided conversation with the Lord the other day as I was reading my Bible. Okay, I was kind of just skimming it as I was venting all of my unanswered questions when this verse from Isaiah 45:9 literally jumped off the page and interrupted my pity party. 

It says, "The clay does not ask the potter, 'What are you doing?' The thing that is made doesn't say to its maker, 'You have no hands.'"

Are you kidding me? It was as if the Lord directly responded to all of my questions and immediately put in perspective who God is and how minuscule my concerns were. Not that He doesn't care about them, but that He cares about them so much that He already has all of the details worked out. He is a master potter.

The very next weekend Pastor Steven Furtick preached a sermon called 'It's in the Middle.' (I know, right? You'd think God was trying to tell me something.) As I sat at Elevation Uptown, in the beautiful historic church building, in my red velvet theater seat and listened to his words it was as if he was directly responding to our Starbucks conversation and to the conversations of my heart.

Pastor said a few things that truly resonated in my spirit. I want to share them with you; 

He said, "When (God) takes over your life, He blesses your life. But the same hands that bless your life are the same hands that must be trusted when your life is broken." 

After all, He's the potter, right? 

He continued to speak to my very situation by going on to say, "So God says to everyone who's in the middle of something right now, in the middle of change, in the middle of process, in the middle of becoming, in the middle of a storm, in the middle of the fire, keep stepping, stay in the middle, stay in faith, stay in courage, stay blessed, stay in my hand, stay in the storm, I'm with you in the fire. God is in the middle." 

The scripture that spoke to my heart louder than my ears could ever hear, and the message that Pastor preached brought me to the following question. Is it possible to shift our perspective from just getting through these transitions to making the most of them because we can fully trust that God has our best interest in mind? He says in Romans 8:28 that He works all things together for good to those who love the Lord. He also says in Philippians 1:6 that He who began a good work in us will carry it on in completion. 

Does this mean that I will never get frustrated? Nope. I'm human, but through my frustrations I can be assured that God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  I can rest easy knowing that He is my ever present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). 

It's in the middle where growth happens, it's where we learn to appreciate the good times, it's where we connect to people, and it's where we learn to trust God at a deeper level. We may as well make the most of the middle because as long as we're alive we will be in the middle of something. 

Here's to trusting God in transition!