What are the chances?

What are the chances of this leaf falling directly into my cup of tea? I mean, it's not like leaves are falling like crazy around here. Nor was I trying to catch them like my son yesterday with his baseball glove. It's not particularly windy today either. I was sitting here holding my cup. I saw a leaf fall in my peripheral. I looked down. And there it was, in my tea.

Right before this, I was gazing past the candle flickering on my table to our sloped and wooded back yard. I can't recall what I was thinking about exactly. I get lost in thought often. Perhaps I was thinking about the baby deer, still wearing her spots, exploring our neighbors' yard. Maybe it was our kitten, Chipanbotato, who seemed to be debating whether or not to climb the tree she got stuck in yesterday. Perhaps I wasn't thinking about anything but was simply enjoying this beautifully overcast, cool, kidless, and seemingly enchanting moment.

Whatever it was, this little leaf has my attention now. I can't figure out how it fell from the tree beside me, past my face, and directly into my cup. As I sit here with my mind blown contemplating all of the things that had to align for it to happen, I wonder if we sometimes approach the love of God this way. Like, maybe we think things in our lives need to align perfectly for us to have the chance to be known and loved by the God of the universe.

I've been on a journey of self-awareness for a while (I know, you're wondering what self-awareness has to do with leaves and God loving me, but stick with me for a minute). This last year or so, my journey became a bit more concentrated. Sometimes disheartening. Sometimes discouraging. Sometimes almost crushing. I might have even quit if there was a way to unlearn what I learned. Since real life doesn't work like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Men in Black, I didn't have the option; I had to keep trudging through myself.

It took a while, but I'm learning to give in to the flow and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me gently through these rocky waters, but still, I sometimes want to resist. "You can't have intimacy without vulnerability," He reminds me with His sweet whisper.

Today, I am thankful for those rapids. Through them, I've found the more aware I become of my insufficiencies, my flaws, and my bend towards being human-the more vulnerable I become to intimacy with Jesus. I mean, He already knows me totally and completely, so as I know me more fully, I can only understand His grace and His love for me at a deeper level than before.


The chance He knows and loves us, although mind-blowing, isn't slim. Unlike the leaf falling into my cup, needing everything to align just right, God doesn't need you to align anything. He already did. Heck, He may have even caused that leaf to fall right into my cup this morning to trigger thoughts of His love towards us, so I could tell you that there's a hundred percent chance He knows you, and He loves you.

I love the words Sarah Reeves sings to her Heavenly Father. "You know me better than I know myself, Your ways are higher than anything else, You have the plan far beyond all my wildest dreams. Just like You paint the fiery skies, You chose the color of my eyes. From the start until the end of time, You're in the details."

I hope you take a moment today to bask in His never-ending, perfect love for you. Not the squishy, fluffy, feel-good love. But the type of love you can build the foundation of your life on. Rather than wonder what the chances are that the God of the Universe could love you, live confidently knowing He not only loves you but always has your best interest in mind. He is with you in the struggle and the victory. This love sent His only son to die for you so you could live an abundant life in Him.



Here's to enchanting autumn days, leaves in teacups, and the reminder that we are fully known and fully loved.

What To Do When It Feels Like Jesus Is Passing You By

I sat down on my couch with my coffee to read my Bible. The bright sun cast shadows through the blinds of my living room, my baby crawled up on my lap and the Lord showed me something I can't keep to myself.

I'm reading through Mark since our Pastor is preaching from this book for our churches 'Savage Jesus' series. (Which has been one of my very favorite sermon series' of all times, but then, aren't they all?! Check it out here!)

Anyway, I got to Mark 6:48. The very last sentence in that verse says, 'And [Jesus] was about to pass by them.' That sentence was extremely uncomfortable for me to read.

See, the disciples are exhausted from life and ministry. Jesus sent them off in a boat ahead of Him so He could go to the hills to pray. It's the middle of the night, it's pitch black and storming, and they're in the middle of the sea. This wasn't just any old storm. Some of these guys were fishermen, they were used to storms. In this particular storm though, the Bible says that 'they were troubled and tormented in their rowing.'

I may not have ever been in a boat in the middle of the sea in a treacherous storm but I have found myself facing storms in life that I thought were going to take me out. One of which occurred shortly after this picture was taken.

I remember so vividly walking to the truck on that cool, crisp day at the end of November 2016. My husband was carrying our fourth babe (who was seven months old). Christmas just around the corner. We got to the truck and my husband paused for a moment and then proceeded to tell me that in four short weeks he wasn't going to have a job.

Those words stung my soul.

I was so confused. I felt like we had done what we were called to do. We moved states away from everyone and everything we knew with four kids 5 and under. We were being obedient to what the Lord was telling us to do. We were trying to make sense of it, I knew God was faithful, but I felt abandoned. I was so angry, so confused, and so heartbroken I just wanted to cuss. Instead, I cried.

Have you ever been there? Tired, but doing what you feel like you're supposed to do. Then comes a storm that is completely out of your control but seems to be controlling you. The kind you can't handle on your own; maybe it's unemployment, maybe it's a job transition, marital strife or divorce. Maybe it's health issues or family drama. Maybe it's the decisions your children are making that you know aren't best.

Maybe the disciples felt the same way? They were doing what Jesus told them to do; not what they thought they were supposed to do but what Jesus in the flesh literally told them to do. And they were doing the best they could. But they were exhausted. They were in the middle of the sea, in the middle of the night, and they didn't think they were going to make it.

Plot twist: Here comes Jesus walking on the water. Now they're not only troubled and tormented by the storm and don't think they're going to make it, but they're terrified of Jesus, who they've misidentified as a ghost.

Cue Mark 6:48 where '[Jesus] was about to pass by them'.

Really Jesus? Your disciples are horrified and you're about to pass by them? When I read this it didn't make any sense to me but I absolutely related to the feeling. You know? The one where you're in distress and it feels like He's passing you right by.

Hey God, I'm still here, doing what I feel like I'm supposed to do, trying to make the most of the middle. You said you would work all things together for my good, but I sure don't see it. I've been rowing for four miles in this massive storm with no end in sight, I'm tired and I'm pretty sure it's over.

'But immediately He talked with them and said, Take heart! I AM! Stop being alarmed and afraid.' (Mark 6:50)

Woah! Did you feel that thing rise up on the inside of you when you read that? That's called hope. Just when they couldn't go any further, just when exhaustion was setting in and they were about to give up, just when they couldn't take anymore and it seemed Jesus was going to pass right by them He showed up. Read it again!

'Take heart! I AM! Stop being alarmed and afraid.'

In other words, God's got this! Whatever we need, HE IS! Don't be scared!

Then Jesus got in the boat with them, and the wind stopped. I love this line from the Amplified translation, the wind 'sank to rest as if exhausted by its own beating.'

What an incredible reminder of who controls the storm that seems to be controlling us.

I AM does.

Six months after my husband's life-sucking announcement he was offered the job that the Lord had intended us to have from the beginning. Without that stormy season of our lives, we would not be in the position we are in now spiritually, personally or professionally. That season was one of uncomfortable growth, soul searching, and faith-testing. Since we're on the other side of the sea I can honestly say that I wouldn't change that storm for anything. I would not have been prepared for our season of life now had it not been for our experience then.

If you're not in the middle of a storm now, I hate to say it but one day you will be. When you find yourself there I hope you'll see the storm as an invitation to trust God at a deeper level. I hope that your eyes will be opened to see His love for you and you rest assured knowing that God works all things together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I hope through it all you allow Him to reveal to you His true character. HE IS!

If you are experiencing a storm, I know it's easier said than done, but I challenge you to study, possess, and rest in His promises. (I don't know about you, but the rest part is especially hard for me, I am continually figuring out what this looks like.) Some things I do know though, His promises are yes and amen. He has plans to prosper you. You can actually be still while He fights for you. Listen while He guides you. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Have faith, your miracle is on the way. (Listen here for an incredible sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick about trusting God's timing.)

Praying and believing that your best is yet to come.

Christmas 2016

This Is All New To Me

Well. This is weird. I’ve been numbing for at least a week now. Getting lost in the routine and trying to stay on top of all of the things. You know, the back to school paperwork, laundry, school supplies, lunch-making and packing, new systems, homework, and the emotional states of all my children. In the meantime, I’ve been shoving down the emotions that try to fill my tear ducts. Until today. Today I’m giving myself space and grace to process it all. 

You see, three out of my four kids are now in school. And my 3 year old even gets to go to preschool on Tuesdays. You probably can’t guess what day today is. It’s Tuesday. The first Tuesday of the first full week of our new routine. The first day that I get to be by myself from 8:20-2:30. Also, the first day that I’m allowing myself to process.

Three years ago I had 4 kids five and under at home with me. It was there where I thought most of my dreams died. As dramatic as it sounds now, I thought that I would be changing diapers, wiping butts, doing endless loads of laundry and dishes, living that non-showered mom-bun life forever (said like the kid from Sandlot)! Forever! But here we are, on the other side, and not only are my dreams still there, they’ve been refined, that’s a story for a different day, though. Today my heart is mourning.

Here's my three years ago. Look how little!!!!!

I do have the tendency to ruminate, and today is even more than normal. The season I felt would never end, but tried my hardest to make the most of (because as hard as it was I knew one day I would miss it) is coming to a close. My world as I knew it is changing. And it’s weird. Now, I still get to have my youngest home for 2 more years (phew), but having her gone one day a week gives me a glimpse of things to come. Some of those things I’m looking forward to, like drinking the entirety of this coffee while it’s hot! But some of them are just sad.

My new Tuesday office at Groundwork Common with said hot coffee. 

The simplicity of keeping children alive morphed into the complexity of managing four very distinct people who are learning to navigate their very own journeys of life. Lazy mornings have turned into regimented routines ensuring everyone is fed, teeth brushed, lunches packed, backpacks packed, oh, and clothes on before 7:30am. Afternoon couch snuggle time at some point evolved into homework time. Spontaneous outdoor picnics now take place at a table in a school cafeteria. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, it’s just weird.

When I think back on the last 9 years of my life, when my baby bearing began, it’s hard not to wonder if I did everything I could while I had my babes home. I really tried but did I made the most of each moment? Did I teach my kids the right things in the right stages? Do they know how much I love them? Despite my efforts, did I do enough? Was I enough?

I mean, applesauce and tortilla chips are a healthy lunch, right?

Our pastor preached a sermon last weekend (I know, God’s timing is always perfect) called, ‘Trust me, I’m trying!’ This sermon was profound, refreshing and beautifully articulated the grace of our loving savior in the midst of our ‘try’. It is still deeply resonating with my heart.(I highly encourage you to watch it. You'll see my husband and me on the front row too!) Whether it’s a situation in our lives where we feel like we’re trying or one where we feel like we tried, how incredible is it that we can TRUST? I can trust that His grace is sufficient for every season of our lives. I’m learning not to put so much pressure on myself because my God is the one who makes things grow, not me. He has been so faithful and He won’t stop being faithful. I can look forward to this next season with wonder and look back into the last season trusting my gracious Heavenly Father. I have a feeling it will take a while to get used to navigating the back and forth in my brain but that’s life, isn’t it?

I promise, I’m fine. And no, I don’t want to have any more kids but if you’re a mama of littles, enjoy these days! Enjoy the simplicity, the binge Disney days, the snuggles, even the monotony. One day it’s over and you’ll wonder where it went. 

I hope when we look at our beautiful children we don't contemplate the what-if's and not-enough's but we remember all of the fun, the chaos and the exhaustion with fondness. I hope we rest assured knowing God has our past covered in grace and with Him the best is always ahead. But that doesn’t mean it's not a little bit sad too. 

This year's first day of school picture. Aren't they so presh?

I’d say I finally started processing and I think I’m going to be okay. I can be sad and expectant at the same time; anticipating the future and mourning the loss of a season all at once. I’m sure I’ll cry more, and probably do some rejoicing, (I mean I just got to drink a whole hot coffee in one sitting!), but for now I better lock it up, it's time to pick up my kiddos from school!

Here's to trying to make the most of all this because before I know it they’ll be driving themselves home from school. (Insert emoji with the big huge eyes, you know the one I’m talking about, right?)

The Month I Wasn't Ready For

The month of October was one I’m not sure I ever could have been prepared for. I've had difficulty processing some of its unfortunate events; let alone articulate the sadness I am feeling after losing one of my friends. 

My beautiful friend right before my husband baptized her

My hope is that sharing my journey of how the Father of Mercy, and the God of all healing counsel is walking me through this I can come alongside someone else who is going through a seemingly unbearable situation too. (1 Corinthians 1:3-5)

The morning of my friend’s funeral I was fighting a funk. I wish I could say I was winning, but honestly I hardly had the energy to hold up my gloves to protect myself from the blows coming right at me. My husband stepped in to help me fight and encouraged me to read Psalm 77. 

I love how unfiltered David was with his feelings. He laid it all out there for the Lord knowing that God wasn’t intimidated by his feelings, doubts, or questions. Although the first half of this Psalm seems extremely hopeless, I found his transparency refreshing. 

But halfway through the Psalm David’s tone changes dramatically. He goes from expressing hopelessness, defeat and feeling abandoned to expressing gratitude by saying ‘Once again I’ll go over what God has done, lay out on the table the ancient wonders; I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished, and give a long, loving look at your acts.’ 

Walking into the funeral that afternoon I realized that gratitude was the vehicle that was going to get me through this; and I didn’t have to ride alone. None of us do. I looked around and was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and immense sense of pride in the community God gave me to do life with.  The way they come together to care for each other through traumatic events is beyond amazing. The way they rally around the hurting and the broken as God restores what the devil stole is inspiring. The commitment they have to walking with people while God turns what was meant for evil into something beautiful is incredible. 

Despite some of the emotions I have been sorting, this morning I woke up overwhelmed to tears with gratitude. Gratitude for the dream I get to be a part of and the people I get to do it with. 

As followers of Christ we are all called to ministry. In ministry the highs are high and the lows are low; but we get to do life and ministry together as a community. In community the sweet becomes sweeter and the bitter becomes bearable. 

Our family is usually intentional about practicing gratitude but through this season I’m learning how gratitude becomes a weapon we use to fight against darkness, hopelessness, and confusion. We don’t have to understand everything in order to be grateful for something. 

Whether you’re going through a low season right now or are at a high point, I challenge you to practice gratitude; it is a weapon. Just like any weapon you have, in order for it to work you have to use it and the more you practice the easier it gets. I also challenge you to not only attend a local church but to jump in, serve and see what God can do through you. It is there you will get to do life the way God intended; together. 

Let Go

A few months ago I would have told you that one of my greatest fears in life was not reaching my full potential. I worried that I would not make the impact God intended me to make for the kingdom of heaven. That I would single handedly screw up the plans He had for me. This was such a fear that the pressure I put on myself caused anxiety, it brought unbearable stress, and even hopelessness. 

I got lost in the world of personal development, thinking I could develop myself to my fullest potential. I was constantly striving to be better but never measured up to my own expectations of myself. 

Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with personal development, but when you begin to rely on yourself to change you instead of the transforming power of Jesus, well, that’s when we have a problem

The Lord gently lead (and I’m confident will continue to lead) me on a journey of freedom from this. ‘The Me I Want to Be’ by John Ortberg dropped massive truth bombs on my puny perspective and spoke directly to my soul.

Ortberg says ‘"As you [move toward the best version of yourself], you glimpse for a moment why God made you. Only God knows your full potential, and he is guiding you toward that best version of yourself all the time. He has many tools and is never in a hurry. That can be frustrating for us, but even in our frustration, God is at work to produce patience in us. He never gets discouraged by how long it takes, and he delights every time you grow. Only God can see the 'best version of you,' and he is more concerned with you reaching your full potential than you are.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. [Eph. 2:10]

You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project. Your life is God's project. God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be."

Are you kidding me? Don’t you just love God?

To solidify these truths the week after I read this He gave me a picture in worship. 

We were able to attend the live recording of Elevation Worship's new album Hallelujah Here Below. I can't remember the exact line to the song we were singing but I do remember the word 'throne' that triggered the following picture:

I was climbing to the top of an unrealistically tall ladder. The ladder wobbled with every step. There I stood shaking at the top, everything below me blurred into darkness in the distance, I was trying my hardest not to fall. And the Lord simply asked me, ‘Do you trust me?' I wanted to say yes, but if I truly trusted Him then I wouldn’t be experiencing anxiety about my future, I wouldn’t be distressed about the dreams in my heart going stagnant, and I wouldn’t be worried about missing out on all that God prepared for me. 

As I basked in His presence He sweetly convicted me of my sin. I was breaking the first commandment. I wasn’t blatantly worshiping a golden calf, but I was putting more weight on my ability to screw up my life than I was on trusting Him with my whole self, future and all. I was on the throne of my future, not Him. Do you know what that is? Idolatry.

In that moment I let go. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I let myself fall backwards off of that ladder.

And guess what? 

God caught me.

Like He always has and He always will.

When I try to take control of outcomes and allow fear and anxiety into my thoughts, when I place myself on the throne of my future I'm simultaneously placing myself at the top of a really tall, very unstable ladder. At that point I have two choices; strive anxiously to stay there and wait for the imminent ending or choose to let go.

I've found myself re-visiting this picture when I attempt to be the god of my future. I'd love to invite you to visit it any time you need to!

When you start to question whether He is trustworthy, whether He’s faithful, or whether He has a plan, picture yourself on top of the highest ladder you can imagine and simply let go. Fall backwards. And rest assured, He will always catch you. Be encouraged. He will never, ever fail. His ways are higher, His thoughts are deeper, His plans are perfect, He created you on purpose and He will complete the work He began in you. 

Here's to letting go, trusting Him, and living life to the fullest!

Our REAL First Day of School

When I was a kid I loved back-to-school time! I loved back-to-school clothes shopping with my mom. I loved finding the best deals on school supplies and going from store to store with our whole family to get the best prices in town. I loved the anticipation and excitement that came from a new routine and new opportunities.

I wish I could say all of my kids shared the same excitement as me.

Our first day of school was a week and a half ago, and if you noticed, I still haven't posted our first day of school pictures. I took a few cute ones before we left the house but since the drop-off scene at school was so heart-wrenching I never posted them.

First, my kindergartener; he waltzed right in and sat down like he owned the place. We got him situated and he didn't even turn around to watch us leave. So, naturally, I start to tear up as we walk the hall to drop off my second grader with her two little sisters in tow.

We got all of her supplies and her little bin all situated and her tears started flowing. Trying to get her in that classroom was like trying to shove a camel through the eye of a needle. She wouldn't budge. (Sometime around here my husband snuck out so as not to be late to work.)

So here I am standing in the hallway, holding my two-year-old, while my 4-year-old is dancing to the music in her head and my sweet-spirited second grader is sitting against the wall crying uncontrollably as her new teacher is trying to console her. Because I didn't know the right thing to do I told her I loved her and I left, very quickly, for fear she would see me cry too.

I ducked behind a hallway, trying to compose myself while other parents walked by giving me that sympathy smile. I did a pretty good job until a friend of mine walked by. That's when I had to cover my face with my shirt for fear that she'd see me ugly cry right there in the middle of the elementary school hallway. She gave me a great mom-hug.

I secretly made sure she had calmed down and then we left. We got donuts and coffee with my mom-hug friend to try to keep our minds off of the first day of school.

That day I cried. I called the school. And I called one of my best friends, who also happens to be a therapist. (God knew I needed a best friend who is a therapist.)

I remember crying so hard I'm sure she couldn't understand what I was saying. I didn't want to cause my daughter to have trust issues, or for her to feel abandoned. I didn't want to break her spirit but I didn't know what else to do. I felt so helpless.

I don't remember exactly what she said but I remember the spirit of it:

My daughter knows that we love her and would never put her in harms way, she knows she is in a safe place, she knows that her class mates love her (because she already knew all but 3 of them), but she was experiencing discomfort. My friend reminded me that if we intervene every time our children are uncomfortable (in safe situations) then they will never learn how to deal with discomfort in real life. And if you've lived any amount of time you know there are situations, and even seasons, in real life that are very uncomfortable.

As I was replaying this event over and over the Lord reminded me of some of my own behaviors. I saw myself there, in my daughter's shoes, in the hallway, crouched down and feeling abandoned by the very one who brought me there.

You see, our word for the year is 'Growth'. (I've already picked 'Prosperity' for next year. Haha!) Guess what? Growth is uncomfortable. More than once this year have I found myself crouched on the floor in tears wondering where God went, wondering why I felt the way that I did, and wondering when it would be over and when I would sense His presence again.

We're not left alone but we're given space to be allowed to grow.

Can I be honest here? Okay good! The heaviness of ministry, the difficulties of parenting, the extremely disturbing season of self-awareness, the loneliness I felt on the inside from being away from family have, at times, left me feeling like I was operating at a deficit. I felt like my father took me to a place, and then he just left me there drowning in discomfort. Maybe you've been there?

The Lord reminded me that as hard as I was TRYING to do what was best for my daughter, He IS doing what's best for me. (See Matthew 7:11) He reminded me that He'll never leave me or forsake me. In this situation, He also reminded me that He'll never leave my daughter either, even though I had to.

Growing up is hard, raising kids is hard, and so is growing in our faith. But without learning how to navigate life's discomforts we would stay in a child-like state forever. Without uncomfortable times our trust and relationship with the Lord couldn't grow and we wouldn't have testimonies.

Through my doubts, my emotions, my questions I am learning to rest assured that He is working all things together for my good because He is a good, good father and He loves me. Just because I can't feel Him doesn't mean He's not doing what's best for me.

Isn't it interesting that the times in our lives when we can be the most uncomfortable are the times in our lives when we see the most growth?

Although I don't hope for uncomfortable situations or seasons to arise I am learning to embrace them because I do know the kind of growth I will experience through them. And I do know that my God won't leave me but is faithful to complete the work He began in me. (Philippians 1:6) I can even trust Him with my childrens' discomforts. Knowing that I will fall short as a mother, but He never will as a father, and He loves my kids even more than I do.

That first-day-of-school I was on pins and needles all day. I cried. I could not focus on anything. Pick up time could not come soon enough. But when I did pick up my babes they both confidently strutted to our van like they kicked the first day of school's you-know-what. In our case sorrow came in the morning, but growth happened and joy came through in the afternoon!

Today I'm grateful for life's lessons taught to me by my Father, through my children.

The Truth About Friday's Family Fun Day

I had been planning this day for weeks. The last Friday before our kids went back to school meant our last day-long family fun day. I was sad but I was also bound to make the most of it.

First, we would wake up, AnDrew and I would have coffee on the porch and then we would go to our neighborhood pool for some swim time.

Then we would eat lunch and get ready to go back to school shoe shopping and stop for a surprise treat at Cookie Dough Bliss.

Finally, we would finish the day with pizza and a movie night.

Now that I read it back I picture Will Ferrell dressed up like an Elf reading it to me from an etch-a-sketch.

Here's what really happened:

Coffee on the porch was tense because we have 4 children who kept interrupting us wanting our attention. We didn't get to talk, and I didn't get to enjoy my coffee, so I cut it short and ran to the store.

When I got back the baby had drank over half of my iced vanilla latte, AnDrew (my husband) and I weren't on the same page and I didn't have the energy to get there so I steeped in my funkiness. And it took us an hour and a half to get ready for the pool.

But they sure were cute!

I had to take some deep breaths, talk to AnDrew and reset my attitude on the way to the pool. At this point it was only 11:30am. When we were there we had a great time...until our sweet ginger child decided to throw one of his famous tantrums. The baby also hit her afternoon wall but was confused because of all of the caffeine she drank so she was in a mood too. And my four year old was as emotional as a girl going through puberty.

We got home, had lunch, and instead of getting ready for shoe shopping we got ready for naps. I didn't smile much in the process. The youngest 2 took baths, the oldest 2 took showers and then the youngest 3 fought with all their might but you better believe they took naps. Praise the Lord for nap time!

At this time I let go of my expectations, because the day clearly wasn't going how I had planned. I drank a coffee (the whole one this time), took some more deep breaths, reset for the second time, and hung out with my oldest while my husband mowed the yard.

Decisions, decisions!

After nap we left for the special treat! Cookie Dough Bliss. The kids loved it, however, the sugar rush didn't help the shoe shopping process. My sweet ginger child threw yet another fit before we even got out of the car, my four year old couldn't stay still, I thought we lost the baby once, and I thought someone stole my phone at one point too. It was chaotic and, yet again, not as much fun as I had hoped. I wound up taking the youngest 2 back to the car to wait while daddy checked out with the oldest two and their new shoes.

She was the only one who behaved so, naturally, she's the only one I could take a picture of!

At home 3/4 of the kids threw a fit because they didn't want to watch the movie we picked out. We told them they could go to bed instead. I was tired and disappointed that my kids weren't super grateful for the day we just had.

Positivity is one of my top 5 strengths. (See Strengths Finder). So throughout the day I focused on the positives (hence the pictures and my Instastory). You know, the times when my kids weren't arguing or getting on my nerves. The times when they had wonder in their eyes instead of when they were acting like entitled teenagers. We had some great moments, but after I let myself be honest about the day, I was disappointed.

Guess who's fault that was?

Mine.

So you know what I did when the kids were watching the movie that they had initially thrown a fit about watching?

I started reading a parenting book.

In my almost 8 short years of parenting I have learned that if my kids are regularly on my nerves, or their behavior doesn't match the behavior that I expect, it is no ones fault but my own. It's my responsibility to develop their character and to train them. So if they're ungrateful and are acting entitled, guess what? It's my fault. If they are running around like crazy animals in the store and won't listen and obey, guess what? It's my fault.

The Lord gave me these little blessings to raise; He entrusted them to me, so the responsibility rests on me to train them up in the ways they should go and to develop their character. What do we believe? How do we act? How do we love and accept love? How do we take care of our bodies? How do we feel and process emotions?

The book I picked up last night says "If a person's character makeup determines his future, then child rearing is primarily about helping children to develop character that will take them through life safely, securely, productively, and joyfully."

I promise the books not called Bound with Kids! Haha! 

How am I supposed to know how to develop their character if I first don't develop my own and then train myself on how to develop theirs?

Part of being faithful with what God gave us is studying the subject, doing the best we can with what we've learned, applying it and ultimately devoting everything we do to God.

I'm grateful for an age where information is so easily accessible. I'm thankful for books like 'Boundaries with Kids,' and 'Have a New Kid by Friday,' among others. I'm grateful for all of the people who have gone before me who have also failed at times, but didn't quit because I can look to them for inspiration and advice.

Although I was disappointed, here's to family fun days that don't go as planned but that push us to continue to learn how to parent for the sake of our children's futures.