Let Go

A few months ago I would have told you that one of my greatest fears in life was not reaching my full potential. I worried that I would not make the impact God intended me to make for the kingdom of heaven. That I would single handedly screw up the plans He had for me. This was such a fear that the pressure I put on myself caused anxiety, it brought unbearable stress, and even hopelessness. 

I got lost in the world of personal development, thinking I could develop myself to my fullest potential. I was constantly striving to be better but never measured up to my own expectations of myself. 

Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with personal development, but when you begin to rely on yourself to change you instead of the transforming power of Jesus, well, that’s when we have a problem

The Lord gently lead (and I’m confident will continue to lead) me on a journey of freedom from this. ‘The Me I Want to Be’ by John Ortberg dropped massive truth bombs on my puny perspective and spoke directly to my soul.

Ortberg says ‘"As you [move toward the best version of yourself], you glimpse for a moment why God made you. Only God knows your full potential, and he is guiding you toward that best version of yourself all the time. He has many tools and is never in a hurry. That can be frustrating for us, but even in our frustration, God is at work to produce patience in us. He never gets discouraged by how long it takes, and he delights every time you grow. Only God can see the 'best version of you,' and he is more concerned with you reaching your full potential than you are.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. [Eph. 2:10]

You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project. Your life is God's project. God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be."

Are you kidding me? Don’t you just love God?

To solidify these truths the week after I read this He gave me a picture in worship. 

We were able to attend the live recording of Elevation Worship's new album Hallelujah Here Below. I can't remember the exact line to the song we were singing but I do remember the word 'throne' that triggered the following picture:

I was climbing to the top of an unrealistically tall ladder. The ladder wobbled with every step. There I stood shaking at the top, everything below me blurred into darkness in the distance, I was trying my hardest not to fall. And the Lord simply asked me, ‘Do you trust me?' I wanted to say yes, but if I truly trusted Him then I wouldn’t be experiencing anxiety about my future, I wouldn’t be distressed about the dreams in my heart going stagnant, and I wouldn’t be worried about missing out on all that God prepared for me. 

As I basked in His presence He sweetly convicted me of my sin. I was breaking the first commandment. I wasn’t blatantly worshiping a golden calf, but I was putting more weight on my ability to screw up my life than I was on trusting Him with my whole self, future and all. I was on the throne of my future, not Him. Do you know what that is? Idolatry.

In that moment I let go. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I let myself fall backwards off of that ladder.

And guess what? 

God caught me.

Like He always has and He always will.

When I try to take control of outcomes and allow fear and anxiety into my thoughts, when I place myself on the throne of my future I'm simultaneously placing myself at the top of a really tall, very unstable ladder. At that point I have two choices; strive anxiously to stay there and wait for the imminent ending or choose to let go.

I've found myself re-visiting this picture when I attempt to be the god of my future. I'd love to invite you to visit it any time you need to!

When you start to question whether He is trustworthy, whether He’s faithful, or whether He has a plan, picture yourself on top of the highest ladder you can imagine and simply let go. Fall backwards. And rest assured, He will always catch you. Be encouraged. He will never, ever fail. His ways are higher, His thoughts are deeper, His plans are perfect, He created you on purpose and He will complete the work He began in you. 

Here's to letting go, trusting Him, and living life to the fullest!